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( indistinct chatter ) woman:careful with all the pillowsand all the art. man:once we approve frame,folks, we're all clear. once again,check your cell phones. thank you. frame looks beautiful. woman:you look great. everybody needs to clear. every single person. you too.

okay. how are you feeling? demi lovato: i actually had anxiety around this... interview. why is that? because the last time i didan interview this long, i was on cocaine. it was called "staying strong." ( bulbs flashing quickly ) i am demi lovato.

( music playing ) i'm 25. the last decade has taught me a lifetime of lessons. i've learned that secrets make you sick. i'm learning how to be a voice and not a victim. i've learned that sex is natural. i've learned that love is necessary. heartbreak is unavoidable. and loneliness is brutal.

i've learned that the key to being happy is to tell your truth and be okay without all the answers. this is my story. this... is "simply complicated." (music ends) producer:i want you to hear the firstthree lines you just did. they were great. okay.

♪ i see the future ♪ ♪ without you ♪ ♪ the hell was i doing ♪ ♪ in the past? ♪ ♪ now that i've learned all about you ♪ ♪ a love ♪ ♪ just like ours wouldn't last. ♪ i think the first, um, line, the "you" on it isn't good.

producer:okay, did you likeline number three? - did you like this one?- ( mouse click ) - yeah, the "you" is great.- yeah. and the "now," i think i cando a better "learned." ♪ i won't ♪ ♪ fall ♪ ♪ for your games ♪ ♪ so don't ♪ ♪ hate me ♪

♪ when i say ♪ okay, there's words that i like, but, overall, i don't likethe whole take. producer:ah! okay. those first two lines made mefeel something great, so whatever you're doing... i'll just keep doing it. ♪ that you... ♪ ♪ don't do it for me ♪

♪ anymore ♪ ♪ no, you... ♪ ( taps keyboard, song ends ) i really like this take. just that last "ooh"needs to be smoothed out. - ( taps keyboard )- yeah. i mean, in a perfect world,absolutely. well, this should bea perfect world, it's my album. ( chuckles )

let's go again. ♪ for your game. ♪ oops. ( bleep ). ♪ fall. ♪ - ♪ fall. ♪- ( producer talkingindistinctly ) ♪ stop feeling bad ♪ ♪ for yourself ♪ ♪ hate me when i say ♪ i like that "me when i say."

producer:yeah, i think, too. it's only the third take. yeah, i don't know what to do. well, i got to getthe other stuff first. ( laughs )here we go. ♪ i'm sorry ♪ ♪ for honesty ♪ ♪ i'm well aware ♪ ♪ i lie to you ♪

♪ when i lie with you ♪ ♪ you... ♪ ♪ don't do it ♪ ♪ for me ♪ ♪ anymore. ♪ ( taps keyboard ) - that last line was great.- yeah. - ( mouse clicks )- hang on one sec. i mean thank you.

( laughter ) yeah, i know i'm the ( bleep ). growing up, i had been bullied in school. and... i felt like an outsider, i felt like an outcast. at that time, i became friends with a girl who was popular.

and, one day, i asked her, "how do you haveall these friends?" and she was like,"well, do you party?" i was like, "what do you mean?" and she asked me, "do you drink?" we experienceda lot of stuff together, drinking, and using,and... growing up. marissa callahan: we started drinking fairly early.

to me, it was like,"we're just having fun. we're kids. everyone's doing it, so we're going to, too." little did we know that there's was gonna be, like,this downward spiral. my first time doing coke, i was 17, working on disney channel, and...

i was witha couple of friends. and they introduced me to it. i was scared becausemy mom always told me that your heart couldjust burst if you do it. but i did it anyways, and i loved it. i felt out of control with the coke the first time that i did it. my dad

was an addict and an alcoholic. i guess i always searchedfor what he found indrugs and alcohol because it fulfilled himand he chose that over a family. dianna de la garza: early on, demi was very, very sad because of her issues with her dad. we had been througha lot of the same things, kind of at the same time. our parents were both divorcedat a young age.

she dealt a lot with her dad. and the times where he was brought up wasn't ever good. like, he would tell them he had cancer when he didn't. or he would tell them he's dying tomorrow when he wasn't. dallas lovato: growing up, i was always really protective of demi. i remember my dad

was such a loving person, but, when he started drinking, he was very different. dianna: scary things began to happen. dallas: he would rage, and yell, and throw things. demi saw that.

dianna: at the time, i didn't understand it. i didn't know how to handle things. but i knew that he had a good heart. i never would've married him in the first place if he didn't. but sometimes,if you don't get help for what you're struggling with, a good heart sometimes isn't enough.

it just became too muchand i had to leave. dallas: from a young age, demi, my mom, and i had this incredible bond. we called ourselves "the 3 ds." it felt kind of like it was us against the world. eddie's my dad. when i say my dad and i mean my birth father, i mention thatit's my birth father. dallas: even though the dynamic in our family

was always very loving and very open, on the other hand, we were also very closed off and secretive as well. we all had our own things hidden behind our own closed doors. there were some things that nobody knew. demi: i was depressed at a very, very young age.

fascinated with death. wondering what it would be like to have a funeral. i never knew why i would think so darkly. and it took me a long timeto figure out what was actually going on. ( birds chirping ) look at how serious i amin this picture.

i've got the head tiltand the "smize." we started modeling a little bit when i was, like, five. and by modeling,we didn't have an agent, we just took pictures. we didn't do anything... like, any actual jobs. then we started doing beauty pageants and that's what got me into singing.

hi. my name is demi. dallas:hi. i'm... i'm gonna be on "jackass." dianna: we started off doing pageants and i started to realize that demi, i guess, was... - gifted.- was talented. not humanwhen it came to her voice. dianna: when she was five years old,

she... had the nerve to go upin front of the entire school to sing celine dion's "my heart will go on." ( cheering and applause ) and it was beautiful. that was the first timei thought, "okay, this is probably whatshe's gonna want to do the rest of her life." demi: we tried really hard to get an agent

we couldn't get an agent. it was auditions,like, all the time. madison de la garza: i just remember a lot of auditions and a lot of car rides. i have so many memories of demi getting a phone call, and then not getting the job. we would be really upset for a few days, and then one day...

is the band here? not yet. dianna: she got "barney." demi: after i booked "barney", i was constantly working on music and acting. i was taking lessons any chance that i could. dianna:demi, good luck! i love you! have fun!

we had been working really hard at it since the pageant days, and all of the headshots, and lessons. when demi walked in the room, i knew that she was a flat-out entertainer. she was standing by my piano, and she said,"can i sing for you?" and i said, "you bet you can." ♪ hark the herald angels sing ♪

she started this song... ♪ the newborn king ♪ ♪ peace on earth ♪ ♪ and mercy mild ♪ i... i just said, "oh, my gosh. where did she get this voice?" ♪ glory to ♪ when i was very young, i wanted to be likeshirley temple.

somebody that could sing and act at such a young age. i don't know howi knew i had it in me, but i knew that it waswhat i was supposed to do. ♪ king. ♪ ( static ) ♪ looking out... ♪ i started playing guitar at around eightor nine years old.

i was always playing music. she would be upall hours of the night... singing my heart out. - ...writing.- some real tough ( bleep ). demi: looking back, i think i realized that i had this outlet to...pour my emotions out and create something beautiful. after i had finished "barney and friends," what i ended up finding outis that there was actuallya lot of pressure

to find jobs. and the pressure didn't comefrom anybody but myself. i just wanted to succeed. ( bell on door jingles ) we started coming out to california for pilot season. i got guest-starring roleson tv shows, commercials, things like that. my stuff? i never heard of them.

and then i ended up booking a tv show for disney channel - called "as the bell rings." - ( bell rings ) okay, i think we have something. let's put this together. and after "as the bell rings," i booked "camp rock." i was 15. rock on.

when i met phil, he was managingthe jonas brothers. joe jonas: we met demi, i think, originally it was an audition of our tv show. we had a tv show called "jonas." she didn't get it, but... - ( laughter )- we... i think a year later, i think we met in rehearsals probably for "camp rock."

- demi was attached to the film already. - and i remember you went in 'cause youhad to sing the duet with demi's character. you had alreadylaid down your part. - mm-hmm.- i went in with joe, and i heard her voice,i just had, like, goose bumps all over my arms. i was like-- i stepped out ofthe studio and i called disney,i was like, "who is this girl?"

i saw what he didfor the jonas brothers, and the fact that he wanted tomanage me was a huge deal to me because he was with them through it all. starring in "camp rock"was demi's big break. it was just a massive franchise that disney had put everything behind. and it just became a pop culture, sort of, sensation. to be able to

get to do something as big as this, um, for my first project, it feels good. we really believedthat "camp rock" was the vehicle to become a superstar. and it was like overnight,she became a household name. i think demi was cast in so many differentdisney projects

because there was a natural edge to her that made her... authentic and believable as an actress or as an artist. i think they needed her to make their projects cooler. demi: everything happened so fast. we officially signed,

and the next day, i booked her a plane ticket to go on tour with the jonas brothers. all of a sudden, i was on tour, writing songs for my album with the jonas brothers. and then i was on a tour of my own. looking back, i think that it was a lot for anyone, let alone,

a kid. i think that demibeing on the disney channel, now looking back at it,i can connect the dots and say that there was animmense amount of pressure. i was now working on my music, and my tv show and movies all at the same time. that lifestyle's really crazy. not a lot of people understand,

like, the pressures,and the time, and the amount of work that it actually takes to have such a successful career in the entertainment industry. so many more expectations put on her than a normal15, 16-year-old girl would have. phil: she was living two lives. here she was,she had to be squeaky clean on the disney channel,

all types of moral clauses and just intensity around behavior, and,once the camera stops rolling, she's living another life;she couldn't really be herself. she couldn't bea normal teenager. i definitely felt the pressure increase when... the fame started to creep into my life. i started feeling pressured to

look a certain way, to... sing music that i felt people would like, rather than sing musicthat i would like. there was more pressure to succeed, you know? numbers and charts. and i was a perfectionist, and i really wanted to bethe best of the best. phil: when you are carrying a franchise,

there is a standardthat everybody expectsyou to operate at. they were great to work with. awful, awful. i think it caused a lot of, um, anxiety for her. demi: and it didn't let up at all, it just... mounted more and more. all of a sudden, she had to be this role model, and i don'tthink she was ready for that.

i think we started to notice, and, really,it was the jonas brothers kind of, like,waving a flag that demi may be veering off the path. at that point, you could just feel that... things weregetting wobbly. it was almost like the wheels were starting to fall off. prior to that, i think, anything that was going on,

would've been chalked up to... she's a teenage girl. that was, like, the easy answer, was just to say,"well, she's a teenage girl and she's going through stuff, and she's being dramatic." john: she wasn't this sweet and lovely girl anymore, and it was kind of like a "hey, ( bleep ) you." and, "i just want to be a kid

and do what everybody else does.and, like, my friends in texas want to, like, drink and party, so why shouldn't i drink and party?" phil: demi had real anger issues. john:difficult, harder to be around. no, no, no, just show me,i have a photographic memory. demi's pulling anyone that she could, like, manipulate and change. phil: she was depressed, she would sleep all the time. i think she just--it became obvious thatshe was struggling with...

herself. and i didn't realize that it wasactually signaling a larger issue. nick jonas: while we were on tour, joe and demi's relationshiphad become really complicated. so i was playing the bridge. and it became really good, you know, between she and i for a while, and growing closer than we'd ever been.

and i remember thinkingin my head, i felt, like,a bit of pride about it, like... selfishly, maybe.i was like, "i'm helping her back into,you know, coming back to being the demi that we all know and love, and she's not gonna do anything crazy, it's gonna be fine." and then this episode happened. demi: i was in colombia. i was onthe "camp rock 2" tour.

and i invited a bunch of people to dinner, my band, and my background dancers. i paid for all the alcohol. somebody ended up getting weed. i was on adderall. we had trashed the hotel. the hotel was, like, threatening us.

they went to some of the dancersand asked what had happened. and i think they told on me for using adderall. somebody told kevin jonas, sr., and... phil. and my dad. i was very upset. i couldn't believe what had happened. now it was out

that i was on adderall. the next day, i was in a lot of trouble. i remember... going to kevin, sr.and saying, "listen... i want to thank whoevertold on me because i know they were just worried about me. and, you know, i just really want to know who told you."

and i manipulated himinto telling me who it was. and he said it was shorty. shorty and i had been really close through "camp rock" and "camp rock 2." so... when he said shorty, i remember thinking... "i'm about tobeat this bitch up." john: i remember i was up in the front of the plane.

she had alreadyboarded the plane. john: demi walks up onto the plane and i heard some commotion. i just went up to her. - and it was like a blur.- i turned around and demi had punched her backup dancerin the face. everyone was freaking out. she walked right past mewithout acknowledging me. i just remembergoing and sitting down.

just this angrylook on her face. texting my mom "i'm sorry." put her head on her pillow and shut out the world. and i slept the whole day. that was whenit dawned on me that this was probably a much bigger situation than just a kidwho wanted to party. i just came to a breaking point.

phil: the next 12 months were extremely difficult. demi: i was 18 when i first went into treatment. demi was diagnosed bipolar when she checked into treatmentthe first time. when i got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it just made sense. when i was younger, i didn't know why i would stay up so latewriting and playing music.

and then i learned about episodes of mania. and i realized that that's probably what it was; i was manic. in a way i knew that it wasn't my fault anymore. something was actually offwith me. phil: she had such a glow to her the first time i saw her when she came out of treatment. the glow started to fadeeach day that passed.

demi: i wasn't working my program, i wasn't ready to get sober. i was sneaking it on planes, sneaking it in bathrooms, sneaking it throughout the night. nobody knew. phil: this is an 18-year-old who's totally out-maneuvering adults.

demi: i went on, like, a bender of like two months wherei was using daily. and... there was one night where i used a bunch of coke and i popped a few xanax bars, and i started to...choke a little bit. and my heart started racing. and i remember thinking, "oh, my god, i might beoverdosing right now."

i remember we were in new york, and she clearly was on something. and she was on air... promoting this new way of life. and i was like,"you're so full of it." i wasn't equipped to be able to handle that situation. and so i got a list ofseveral recommendations of people thatspecialize in this.

and i ended up connectingand speaking with mike bayer. mike bayer: demi was on a road to, like, suicide. she'd have, like, bags of pills, and an eight-ball of coke. i was either craving drugsor on drugs. she was nasty. i was not easy to work with. i was using while i hada sober companion.

and i went through about 20different sober companions. it was really like she was two different people. every day was likegoing to war. mike: we were in palm springs, and she locked her bedroom door, she's just taken a bunch of pills, we kicked down the door, she gets taken to the hospital, the nurse is checking her in,the bottle of pills is there,

she grabs the pills, she thendowns all the other pills andsays, "you ( bleep ) bitch. if i just tried to kill myself,why would you give meaccess to pills?" demi: i didn't feel anything, i didn't feel guilty, i didn't feel embarrassed. mike: then she goes from there to a psych ward. none of that did anything. she still isn't going to get clean. she's so black and white. she really, one day,would want to get well,

the next day,not want to get well. and when she didn'twant to get well, she'd have to flip back--it was just, for her, it was chaotic. it was completely exhausting, physically and emotionally. i would sneak out, get drugs... manipulating. ...i would fake my drugs tests

with other people's pee. mike: she didn't care what the consequences were. phil: a couple days sober and then she'd use. and i'd liestraight to their faces. mike: she didn't care about her career. and we couldn't getmomentum on our side. mike: it was very difficult to work off that very small part of her that did want to get well.

it's embarrassing to look back at the person that i was. the very last night that i drank, i was at a hotel, and i invited two random people. and, basically, just drank with them. i got really, really drunk, until it was time to get on a flight. and i was so drunk thati threw up in the backof the car service

on the way to the airport to perform on "american idol." ladies and gentlemen,demi lovato. ♪ when your lipsare on my lips ♪ ♪ and our hearts beat as one ♪ phil: here she is, she goes to "american idol", she's hung-over, she has total disregard for it. it was a horrible feeling. i felt like that wasa moment in my career where i, i didn't care.

phil: demi was clearly in a bad place. demi: i just knew that i needed to be high to get through what i was going through at that point. phil: i remember asking mike, "when is it time to step away?" and mike said to me, "when she stops trying." at that moment,

i was fully intending to... drop her. you hear about interventions or families laying ultimatumsand saying, like, "you either changeor you're out." change has to happen, now. mike: the most important thing to demi is losing people,

is losing peoplethat she cares about and that loves her. that's the mostimportant thing to demi. i had developed a plan where i got everybody on the team,business manager, attorneys, agents, everybody, to say, "if phil walks,we walk." this was the showdown of all showdowns. demi: it wasn't a matter of

if they were going to leave,it was, "we are leaving. there's no morethat we can do for you." mike: i remember her crying, "well, what the ( bleep ) do i need to do? what do i need to do?" - phil: and mike said... - mike: give us your cell phone. and i think he said,"like, now." and she picked up the plate.

and she literallywas grabbing this thing and smashing it,screaming crying, like-- and the ugly cry. phil: and i said, "that's not good enough." phil said,"put it in the water." phil: and so she dunked it in the vase of water that was on the table. it's wild. this was the gatewayto everything. this was...

the wrong people,it was drug dealers, it was-- it was a lot of... the negative influencesin her life were coming throughthe cell phone. i think that approachworked for me because, it sounds silly,but it was the beginning of the process of surrendering. at the end of the day, it was my decision. meanwhile, she's a judgeon "x-factor,"

she's 19 years old, and she's in her first yearof sobriety. phil: what nobody knows is that, while she was a judge, she's living in a sober apartment, with roommates, she is having to do chores, she has no cell phone, she is completely and totally... submitted to the process of recovery. you really have to lean into

the people that aretrying to support you. like my family, like mike and phil. you know, you really have to... surrender because that's whenthe change is gonna happen. when you're in the studio, and you're recording... "a hit song," there are times where the energy in the room

- is just insane.- go! - ♪ lucky for you ♪ - man: whoo! all right. ♪ i got all these daddy issues ♪ ♪ what can i do? ♪ ♪ i'm going crazy when i'm with you ♪ ♪ forget all the therapy ♪ ♪ that i've been through ♪ ♪ lucky for you ♪ - when that beat kicks in,- man: yeah.

like, no matter whatyou're doing, you have to dance. when can i sing? i'm ready to go. - man: here it comes.- ( bleep ) yeah, you are. - let's do it.- you know who else is ready to go? - let's do it. ( laughs )- me. - you set her up for me, bro?- yeah, yeah, yeah. you standing or sitting, demi? i think i'm gonna sit first.

all right. all right, mic check? ( echoing ):mic check. ( sighs deeply ) - you ready?- yeah. ( music playing over speakers ) ♪ i've been thinking'bout the future ♪ ♪ and i've been thinking'bout the now ♪ ♪ i know we'regonna be together ♪

♪ but i just don't know how ♪ ♪ you know when we get close ♪ ♪ can't deny the tensionbetween us both ♪ ♪ and i don't want topressure you ♪ ♪ but i think you need tomake a move ♪ ♪ i've been waiting ♪ ( distorted ): ♪ i've been waiting ♪ ♪ and i keep waiting ♪ ( distorted ): ♪ and i keep waiting ♪

♪ only forever ♪ i've been really using my emotions and, basically, just adding more soul into it. i think it comes outin my music today. - whoo!- ooh! - that was crazy.- fire. that was a good one.two seconds. oak is just incredible. this song's ( bleep )awesome, man!

it's so good. ( laughs ) we're like... what, six for six now? - oh, my god.- so exciting. ♪ only forever... ♪ we have been putting in endless hours in the studio, and all of the songs that we've done together

i've really beenexcited about. ♪ only forev... ♪ - let's try it.- ♪ i'll give you one more chance ♪ ♪ but it only lasts ♪ - ( laughs )- one more. ♪ who doesn't leave me on the shelf? ♪ she's just gonna nail itevery time. man:i know. ♪ only forever. ♪

i mean, they're all varyingdegrees of perfection. - ( laughter )- so... - thanks.- but i like the ending of this one more. i like the beginningof the one you didprevious to this one more. okay, cool. so, i have a comp in mind, too, if we need to.i mean, i-- but we got it. we definitely got it. it sounds awesome, homie.

as long as the vibratois consistent on that. i can see your vibrato waves. you have no ideahow uniform they are. - oh, dope.- like, look at this ( bleep ), you see it? it looks like a caterpillar,look at that. man:it is a caterpillar! look at how ( bleep ) consistentthese waves are, right? and you can actually hear it.listen, man. ♪ ever...♪

like, you can hear that vibrato. i think it's importantto have a vision. and i feel like he's really helped mefind my sound. - ( laughs )- thank you. you killed that( bleep ), homie. - thanks,- good lord. texas! i'm so... tired.

so unamused with that comment. demi, did you know thatyou sleep with one eye open? - no, i don't.- yes, you do. i swear to god. wow, that's so weird. who did you piss off that yougot to sleep with one eye open? it's the first time in awhile that we've all beenin texas together. i think since, like,the last christmas,

- that we spent here.- dianna: yeah. or, no, a funeral. dianna:which funeral was that? it was my mamaw, my mamaw. i used to call her "my world" because she was just the sweetest woman,and she was funny. and sassy. i love you. - hmm?- i love you.

- i love you, too.- i love you more. - no, you don't.- yes, i do. ( laughing ):yes, i do. ( sniffles ) what are the oddsthat we're all back here? - yeah.- on this day. almost exactly a year later. ( crying ):i miss her so much. ( crying ):mama!

sorry. and then it's alsobeen a year since... wilmer and i broke up. i've never loved anybody like i loved wilmer. and, like, i still love wilmer. when i first met wilmer he was 29. i met him on january 11th of 2010.

and it was at a psa shoot at his house for the 2010 census forms. before 1980, latinos weren't even considereda separate ethnic group on the census form. this is an opportunity for us to assert ourselves,

to define ourselves. to be honest, i only did it because i heard itwas at his house and i thoughthe was really cute. i didn't really care aboutthe census forms. but when i met him and i laideyes on him for the first time, i was in hair and makeup and he came and sat downand i was like, "i love this man.

and i have to have him." but i was only 17. and so he was like,"get away from me." after i had turned 18, we began dating. i think it was loveat first sight. and i don't reallybelieve in that, but i believe that it happened. we connected on a level that

i've never connected with anybody before. he... was just my rock, my everything. producer: why do you think you broke up? it had nothing to do withfalling out of love. we decided together that we're just probably better as friends. i haven't seen wilmer in over six months. and when he showed up at the gay pride party at mike's

my heart ached. it's hard enough dealing with a breakup... but, you put it in the public eye, and it feels violating. i do have moments where... it's late at night,and i'm lonely, and i wonder if... i made the right decision. because love is a gamble.

i don't know if i'll lose himfor the rest of my life. wilmer:is it this one? my arm looks so big. you're flexing. hey! ( laughs )you're so stupid. i get it. i get it, that's all i'm saying. i think my heart'salways with wilmer.

i think it... was with wilmer,i think that it is with wilmer, and i think that it will be. 'cause you don't share six yearswith somebody and not... give thema piece of your heart. and vice versa. woman: yeah. like, i'm pretty sure that i'm not gonna meet anybodythat compares to him,

but... i'm trying to keep an open heartand an open mind when it comes to that. mike: i love demi and wilmer together. but i've seen demi grow a lot as a person in the last year. demi: the sparks never faded. but there are issues thati haven't conquered yet that i know i won't conquerif i'm relying on somebody else

to take care of the loneliness. where there is a will,there's a way, yeah. no, where there's a... both:wilmer, there's a way. i just wasn't ready and i-- there was so muchof my life that i hadn't explored yet. i wanted a house now because i'm on my own,

and i'm independent now. this is the first time demi'sever really been on her own in her life. it also falls at a time, as she's turning 25, where she's trying to figure out who she is. and so i think that she's taking the time to put that into her art in probably the most meaningfulway she's ever done.

i'm growing up by myself, and... to have my own place, designed the waythat i want it to look, with my dog. ( babbling ) i wanted to know what it's like to be on my own. and this is where i finally feel like i can be... grown up. ♪ standing on the front lines ♪

♪ staring at the sunrise ♪ ♪ over the hill ♪ ♪ waiting for the kill ♪ ♪ sweet anticipation ♪ ♪ every conversation ♪ ♪ tears in her eyes ♪ ♪ from holding too tight ♪ ♪ wait until the demons come ♪ ♪ wait for us to see them run ♪

♪ in our direction ♪ ♪ now they're staring at us through the trees ♪ ♪ got us falling to our knees ♪ ♪ to teach us a lesson ♪ ♪ darling, i have been afraid ♪ ♪ i could only call your name ♪ ♪ thank the heavensthat you stayed ♪ ♪ ooh ♪ ♪ but if i'm telling you the truth ♪

♪ when i cut the tether loose ♪ ♪ it was me ♪ ♪ saving you... ♪ i haven't relapsed in drugs and alcohol. that's something thati'm very proud of. i'm coming up on five and a half years of sobriety, and that's something that's been difficult at times, but one thing thati haven't fully conquered

is my eating disorder. phil:you having trouble right now? what's going on? it's so weird to talkabout this on camera. i... relapsed with...throwing up. binging and purging. when? a couple nights ago. the less i have to think about food,

the easier it isfor me to go about having a normal life. and i don't want to let anybody down. so when i do have momentswhere i slip up... i feel very ashamed. what started the relapse was missing wilmer. this is the longest you've gonewithout being in a relationship. you're not the only oneto have been through

a six-year relationship,and break up, and question it, and then not knowhow to be alone. well, like,that's one of the reasons why we broke up, was 'cause i've neverbeen alone. when i was in a relationship with wilmer, i went three yearswithout purging. and when we broke up, that's one ofthe first things i did.

and when i... feel lonely... like, my heart feels hungry. phil:right. and then i end up binging. and i don't knowhow to figure out... how to be alone. what do you think came firstfor you in terms of chasingthe high? was it the drugs and alcoholor was it the food?

the food came first. when i was about eight years old and my little sister was born, a lot of the attention was taken off of me and onto my little sister. i had started working at that time, so i was under a lot of stress. so i would bake cookiesfor my family and i would eat all of them, andnobody would have any to eat.

that was my first memory of food being... that medicine for me. when i was 12, i was bullied. i... developed a social anxiety where i didn't trustother girls my age. then, one day, this girl who was popular started saying, "demi should kill herself. she should slit her wrists."

and it resulted in a suicide petition that got passed around. and she had otherclassmates sign it. i mean, there was thiscore group of girls who were, honestly, in my eyes,pure ( bleep ) evil. demi: and, when i asked them why, nobody could give me a specific reason why they were treating methe way they were. i had no friends,

i was alone. so i went off ofwhat they were calling me, which was a whore and being fat. i called my mom on my cell phone and i said, "i'm done, i can't do this anymore, pick me up. she picked me up from school and that's when my eatingdisorder developed. one day, i found a copy of her diary.

demi had drawn a picture of what she perceived herself to look like. "heavy." and then she drew a pictureon the next page, and said, "this is whati need to look like to be... a star." this was, like,a collage that i made when i was younger.

and it's actually kind of sadfor me because a lot of the people in hereare underweight and... i wanted to be so much... i wanted to be like them. that was kind of the chic look back then. yeah, i've got amy winehousein there that i looked up to and i wanted to be so badly. i wanted to be as thin as her, i wanted to sing like her, i wanted to be just like her.

the collages on her wall, and the pictures, and the models, this isn't what you need to aspire to be like, this is not healthy. i never thought to saythose things to her because i didn't know myself. my desire for perfection, i think i've alwaysbeen that way. but i felt i had to be thin

to be beautiful, and successful, and that this is what you need to look like in order to be perfect. i may have passed thatalong to my kids, that wanting everything to be perfect, and need to be thin and beautifulto be successful. demi: food is still the biggest challenge in my life and it controls...

i don't want to give itthe power to say that it controls my every thought, but... it's something that i'm constantly thinking about. body image, what i'm gonna eat next, what i wish i could be eating, what i wish i didn't eat. you know, it's just constant. it's exhausting. like, i get envious towards

people that don't struggle with an eating disorder just because i feel like my life would be so much easier. everybody has their own path in recovery. for me, it's about going to therapy, working my program and having an honest relationship with myself and the other people around me. i had come across jay glazerand unbreakable gym. and i felt like it would be great for her.

because demi had just broken upwith wilmer and she didn't have a lot of friendships, she didn't have a community. the workout before thatwas super tough. - yeah.- you hear a girl crying, it's me. ( laughs )okay. the gym really helps. and i know that i... would be in a very dark placewithout it.

when you're getting one,i'm coming right back. - come on. nice, that's it.- ( grunting ) good, good, good.where's your kick? there it is. demi: you know it's monday when you get punched in the face by randy couture. randy couture? only, like, mma legend. mike: at the time she loved kickboxing. and i was really hoping that she would

fall in love with jiu-jitsu. insist. mike: it would give her some pride in having her own thing. it's empowering. and i watch her light up. mike: it's a physical chess game. it makes her think. demi: any time i'm able to take my mind off of...

any of my addictions, um, it's very beneficial to me. because you're constantly thinking about... what the next move is. the technique, the strategy, and also,there's a reward system that takes many, many, many years to get through. excellent.

back up. in jiu-jitsu, we startwith a white belt. every time you get a promotion, it's a stripe. we do four stripes on each belt, and then we moveto the next belt. one goal that i haven't reached is a black belt. being able to work towards that is something that i'm passionate about. and i hope to god to see herinto her 30s and to...

( voice breaking ):...put a black beltaround her waist one day. good job. ( exhales ) - get a drink.- okay. working out is a form of meditation to me because i'm not focused on anything in my head. it can transport you to a totally different place. i'm on a journey to discover

what it's like to be free of all demons. man:her first stripe on a belt. demi, before,you couldn't talk about weight. we literally couldn't use the term "working out." and... now... she loves it. i, like, don't want to know what it's like to get reallypunched in the face by... by randy couture?man, it's like playingbasketball with michael jordan.

all of my bags. and now my vanity. feeling my extensions. kelsey kershner:hey, demitria, can you come hereand approve these tv spots? demi:yup. it was an exhausting nightas an assistant. - it was mid-summer.- ( woman chuckles ) producer:which night was this, though,what are we describing here? uh, it was anaheim.( chuckles )

um... there were four suitorsin the crowd. all in separate placesthroughout the crowd. which i strategically placed. again, hard assistant work.( laughs ) they all wanted to visit herin the dressing room. all at different times,obviously, so we had to,you know, coordinate, make sure some camebefore the show, some came after the show.

( laughing ):so they didn'trun into each other. luckily, all went well. i feel like it wasn't four,i feel like it was only two. it was... it was n, and then l,but they had guests, and then there was... was there an o? - no.- no, it wasn't that night. my theory is,

you can't winif you don't play the game. i matched with somebodyon raya just now. you did?can i see? i am on the dating appwith both guys and girls. i am open to human connection. so whether that's througha male or a female, it doesn't matter to me. avo yermagyan:she is so cute. mm-hmm.

liking somebody and then... like, them texting you and... you waiting for their text back, and them liking your pictureon instagram, um, all these, like, feels-- and first dates, oh, my god. i need looks for this weekend. you do? date night? how many? is there a story?is there a theme?

i'm going to a soccer game. jumpsuit, dress...? jumpsuit. cleavage? always. first dates are...so nerve-racking. i didn't have that before. i mean, not in so long, and... the butterflies of that,

the sweat on my hands, the ( bleep ) sweaty palms, like, all that is fun,it's so much fun. this is likea close-the-deal dress, do you want to close the deal? - hell yeah, i want to close the deal.- okay. 'cause you're inescrow right now. i thought you said,"you're an escort." no.( laughs )

don't you think? should we try a new deal? - no, we don't need to do that.- yeah, no, okay. and, i think, don't tape it down because, like,feeling that danger, like, is sexier to do. okay, cool. and then... - do i let the nipples show?- let the nipples show. - really?- yeah.

yeah. it's, like, really see-through. it's the female bulge. it's like lettingthe guy know who's boss. - i don't know if i can do that.- do it. when i'm comfortablein my own skin, i feel confident. and when i feel confident, i feel sexy.

and when i feel sexy... watch out. ♪ baby, be my ♪ ♪ new addiction ♪ ♪ intoxicate me gently ♪ ♪ with your loving ♪ ♪ you ♪ ♪ got me so hot ♪ ♪ pull me closer into you ♪

♪ and watch our bodiesintertwine ♪ you don't know this demi. single demi is fun. she's a single girl,if she wants to go out to a club and dance, so be it. ♪ got me dreaming 'bout that ♪ ♪ sexy, dirty love ♪ ( distorted voice ): ♪ sexy, sexy, yeah ♪ and we definitelytalk about boys a lot,

we're both single. obviously, everyonewants to date her. she has a lot of suitors. it's fun to hear her when she shares her stories. he's so ( bleep ) hot. - avo: really?- yes. have you talked to him since? no, i was waitingfor him to text me.

if it happens, um,i'm gonna be your best man. did you make it upto his suite? no, i did not. there's like a certain...stigma around a woman having casual sex. and, for me,i just feel like it's my bodyand it's my choice, and it's exciting, and it's a connection with somebody. and it's fun.

♪ and watch our bodies intertwine ♪ ♪ i feel so alive ♪ ♪ you're the onei'm thinking of ♪ ♪ got me dreaming 'bout that ♪ guess there's not reallyany common theme with the people that i've dated. i do like athletes. there's something really sexy about somebody putting in all oftheir physical strengthinto their passion.

( distorted ): ♪ dirty love. ♪ i know, i know, i...( laughs ) i was like,"there's no common theme," but reallyit's totally athletes. ( water running ) so we'll do the ends of my hair, like, more onthe straighter side. hairdresser:straight, yeah, yeah, yeah. just straighten.i don't go wavy.

demi:yay, he texted. - ( chuckles )- yay! four hours and two minutes.( laughs ) what'd he say? well, i can't check it,i've got foil on my ( bleep ) anticipation. the anticipation is killing me. woman:was it you who textedor he had texted? it was me.

oh, sounds desperate. it's good you have foilon your hands right now. no, for sure.i'm still gonna wait. i'm not gonna text right away. well... ( laughs )i know. it's a... sticky situation. if you text right away and you make yourself seemavailable all the time,

then he's not gonna beinterested anymore. like, not as interested. he...( stammers ) it's a thing. phil, you're married, you don'thave to deal with this, you don't get it. producer:what are some of the turn-offs? i don't like douchebags. ( robotic voice ): ♪ stop playing games ♪

( distorting ): ♪ games, games, games, games, games ♪ and i have dated somein this single era. ♪ text on "read" ♪ ♪ and it ain't no accident ♪ ♪ boy, i ain't gonna ask again ♪ ♪ now you got me in my head ♪ ♪ waiting by the phoneat night ♪ ♪ that... that i don't do ♪ ♪ and i just can't explainwhat's happening ♪

♪ sending all these messages ♪ ♪ alone at night ♪ ♪ on patron at night, ah ♪ i don't like guysthat play games. like, life is too shortfor games. ♪ two can play, yeah,two can play, yeah ♪ ♪ oh, oh. ♪ hold on, one more time. ♪ two can play, yeah, oh, oh ♪

i'm kind ofa confrontational person. so if there's something up,i want to be like, i want to figure out, like... are we-- what's going on?what's happening here? ♪ two can play, yeah,play these games ♪ first of all, he was supposed to cometo my concert in dallas... - he bailed.- ...and he bailed. yeah, yeah.

and i was, like,pissed off about that. maybe it was just like,i didn't text him, i was waiting for himto text me, we were playing games, like, you know what? text the ( bleep ) boy. i'm giving him the benefitof the doubt. ♪ honey, i don't needno friends ♪ and i was like,"okay, well, i'm, you know,

i have a free weekend, like, i'm thinking ofcoming to dallas. like, do you have anyfree weekends available?" he was like, "yeah,i'm open that weekend, too." i was like,"dope, let's hang out." ♪ alone at night ♪ ♪ on patron at night ♪ ♪ ah ♪ we decide to go into the club.

he was like, "yeah,come to my table. and i was like, "okay,like, that's pretty cool," - 'cause i had my own separate table...- yeah, so far, so good. he was like, "yeah, like, have your friends come to the table." and i was like, "okay, cool." ♪ careful when youplay these games ♪ right when we got there,right as i was standing there, i was next to him.he did a line of coke, - the bottle service girl comes up,- no.

- and he goes... like this to her boobs.- ( gasps ) - girl.- bye. are you ( bleep ) kidding me? and then he starts pouring vodka down other girl's throats. ♪ you might find outthe hard way ♪ ♪ that two can play, yeah,two can play, yeah ♪ i wanted to tell himstraight to his face that i'm a ( bleep ) catch,

and that he needed totreat me like a queen. ♪ winning, winning, winning ♪ ♪ and i'm tired ofkeeping score ♪ i was half-joking, but, like, half-serious, like,"go ( bleep ) yourself." he asked why and i said, "well, these arethe reasons why, these are the thingsthat you did, right in front of me,

and i'm not going to bedisrespected like that." and he ended up sendinga bunch of text messages, apologizing, wanting to talk. ♪ maybe i can be yours ♪ he texted me, "you good?" and i texted back,"new phone, who dis?" oh, i saw your--did you see on instagram? that's my ( bleep ) girl. ♪ games ♪

♪ come on now, say what you want ♪ - it's kelsey i'm pretty sure.- oh. she's... ( laughing ) ♪ might find out the hard way ♪ ♪ two can play, yeah,whoa, oh... ♪ i think that's the one. okay, i love it. yeah, that one's really good.

emo night is a throwback event in l.a. once a month that brings together fans of the emo scene to relive the past. i try to go as often as i can. it's so much fun. emo night, part two, the sequel! demi: looking back on my past, i see just how influential this music was on my life

and my own musical journey early on. morgan freed:hey, let's give it up for( bleep ) todd from 303. i want to introduce you guysto somebody very, very, very,very, very, special to me, demi lovato. tell them what the ( bleep )emo night is about. ( all singing along ):♪ whoa, i never meant to brag ♪ ♪ but i got himwhere i want him now ♪ ♪ whoa, it was nevermy intention to brag ♪ ♪ to steal it all awayfrom you now ♪

♪ but, god,does it feel so good ♪ ♪ 'cause i got himwhere i want him now ♪ ♪ and if you could,then you know you would ♪ ♪ 'cause, god,it just feels so ♪ ♪ it just feels so good ♪ ♪ second chances they don't evermatter, people never change ♪ - ( music stops )- ♪ once a whore, you're nothing more, i'm sorry ♪ ♪ that'll never change. ♪ oh, ( bleep ).

i went to, like, slide it down, and then slide it back up so everyone would sing it, - and then it stopped.- oh, is that what happened? yes, and i was like..."oh, ( bleep )." ♪ and about forgiveness,we're both supposedto have exchanged ♪ ♪ i'm sorry honey, but i passedout, now look this way ♪ matthew:i thought someone hit, like,the power cord or, like, the audienceor whatever. we're gonna go with that.

matthew:yeah.( laughs ) i don't want to be on record. wait! we're gonna ( bleep )rock this ( bleep )! ♪ whoa, well, i nevermeant to brag ♪ ♪ 'cause i've gottenwhat i wanted now ♪ ♪ 'cause, god,it just feels so... ♪ woman:yes, queen! ♪ it just feels so good. ♪

( bleep ) yeah! ( clapping ) yay! i'm glad we just recorded that. - i know, me, too.- ( laughs ) - man: yeah, check it out for us.- yeah, right? so i can stay until--for another hour and a half, what do you want to do? let's definitely get thatclean out of the way.

- yeah.- let me pull it up. man:sometimes you would take, like, about a day or soto work on vocals. like, it's crazy that-- - what was that, like, an hour or so?- i know, right? - well, you're so fast.- ( laughs ) i was being so "meticulate..." - "meticulous"?- "meticulous"? home-schooled.

- ( laughter )- oh, ( bleep ). she's very witty,which people might not notice because i feel like you can't fully show your personality when you have to do a press tour or something like that. look at me on the toilet. that's the cutest ( bleep )i've ever seen... literally. so, she's pretty hilarious, and she cracks ridiculous jokes.

want to see my jab? let's see the whale call. ( imitates whale call ) she has a very interesting sense of humor. i'm always on my toes. - ya!- oh, my god! see? she gets me every... just trying to drive, but... oh, well.

it's a dam. dam. ( chuckles )dam! - dam!- dam, son! ( laughs )i just got it! she's lovable. ( lip syncingto child's voice ):i'll take a nap! ( lip syncing to man's voice): you want to take a nap? i'll take a nap here.

okay, take a napright there then. good night! or super inappropriate. marissa said ( bleep ). she's always been witty and funny. sometimes i'm like,"what did you just say?" somebody commented at me. and i-- calling me,like, a coke head, and i go, "i prefer the term'former crack whore.'"

yeah, just littlemoments like that, she doesn't give a ( bleep ). like, she will say anythingthat's on her mind. you are very annoying. because a lot of peoplehold back. how's that? - how's that?- well, you are. - you can be a bit of an ( bleep ).- i know. - how's that?- i'm used to it.

( cheers and applause ) can you deal with that? she definitely has... a unique personality. i know that you all... love nick jonas. ( audience laughing ) but i actually have a bigger ( bleep ) than he does.

( cheering ) don't ( bleep ) with me. cue the sunglassesand the joint. ( man laughs ) ( traffic noises ) phil:so fill us in. open up your mind, like,what are your thoughts? where's your head at? my thoughts are

it's always beenabout heartbreak or struggles. and, when they think ofmy music, they think it's heavy. and i just want to,like, break that mold. "sorry, not sorry" is lighter, and i think that's a part of menobody's seen before. i just want youto feel supported to make the decisionthat you feel best about.

i feel like coming outwith a song that's fun that i'm passionate about. it just feels right to me. i follow my gut. my gut told me to choose "sorry, not sorry" as my first single, and i did. and i believed in it from day one when other people thought that it shouldn't be the first single.

but i knew that it should. ah! it is go time. gonna perform "sorry, not sorry"live for the first time ever. and i'm so excited. ( audience cheering ) tonight is a verybig night for me. because i releaseda song called... audience:"sorry, not sorry"! what if we do another tour'cause it was so much fun?

how we did onthe "cool for the summer" tour, we went to, like, pool parties. and we get massive houses in different cities. phil: do the house party tour. i love it. demi: do the house party tour. ♪ baby, i'm sorry ♪ ♪ i'm not sorry ♪ we woke up in, in boston, and then we went to alabama

for, like, an hour and a half. hey, birmingham,what up, girl? here in nashville, um, kind of, like, flying by the seat of our pants, but it's been amazing. i said to them, "gosh, she soundslike aretha franklin." oh, my god, thank you! matthew: billy ray cyrus is here tonight,

like, you don't even know who's gonna be there tomorrow. yo! ( doorbell rings ) ludacris: gives me great pleasure to be sorry that i'm not sorry - ( cheering )- to introduce my great friend. my friend, your friend,miss demi lovato! audience:demi! demi! demi! demi! demi! demi! demi!

demi! demi! you guys ready to party? if you know the words,please help me sing along! ( music playing ) ♪ now i'm out herelooking like revenge ♪ ♪ feelin' like a ten ♪ ♪ the best i ever been ♪ ♪ and, yeah, i know how bad it must hurt ♪ ♪ to see me like this ♪

♪ but it gets worse ♪ ( distorted ): ♪ wait a minute ♪ ♪ now payback is a bad bitch ♪ ♪ and, baby, i'm the baddest ♪ ♪ i'm playing with a savage ♪ ♪ can't have this,can't have this ♪ ♪ ah ♪ ♪ and it'd be nice of me ♪ ♪ to take it easy on ya ♪

♪ but nah ♪ ♪ being so bad got me feelin' so good ♪ bad bitch. baby, i'm... ♪ baby, i'm sorry ♪ ♪ i'm not sorry ♪ wait, what's ( bleep ) dope is getting police escortedin my hometown. woman:yeah.

should i go for the high noteor play it safe? i think you gofor the win tonight. ♪ better walk,better walk that walk, baby ♪ ♪ if you talk,if you talk that talk, baby ♪ ♪ oh! ♪ ♪ being so badgot me feelin' so good ♪ ♪ showing you uplike i knew that i would ♪ the benefit that i haveover some artists is my connection with my fans.

and i thought, "what better way to get my fans involved and to have intimate performances than to throw the house party tour?" things like that can turn into awesome memories. and that's what it's all about. like, i wouldn't have the career that i have today,i wouldn't be alive today without my fans.

and i want them to be involved in any way they can because it just meansso much to me. ♪ oh, no, here we go again ♪ ♪ fighting over what i said ♪ ♪ yeah, i'm sorry ♪ ♪ bad at love, no,i'm not good at this ♪ ♪ but i can't say i'm innocent ♪ ♪ not hardly ♪

♪ but i'm sorry ♪ ♪ and all my friends,they know and it's true ♪ ♪ i don't know who i amwithout you ♪ ♪ i got it bad, baby ♪ ♪ got it bad ♪ ♪ oh, tell me you love me ♪ ♪ i need someone ♪ ♪ on days like this, i do ♪ ♪ on days like this ♪

♪ oh, can you hearmy heart say ♪ ( singers vocalizing ) ♪ no, you ain't nobody'til you got somebody ♪ ♪ you ain't nobody'til you got somebody ♪ ♪ my heart's like ♪ ♪ everything i need ♪ ♪ oh ♪ ♪ is standing in front of me ♪ ♪ i know thatwe will be all right ♪

♪ all right, yeah ♪ ♪ through the ups and downs ♪ ♪ baby, i'ma stick around ♪ ♪ i promise we will beall right ♪ ♪ i need someone ♪ ♪ on days like this, i do ♪ ♪ on days like this ♪ ♪ hear my heart say ♪ ♪ you ain't nobody'til you got somebody... ♪

when i look back at my life, i feel like,if i didn't have music, i don't know what i would have. i have my friends and my family, but music gave me a purposewhen i was bullied in school, it gave me the motivation to keep going, and proved to everyone that didn't believe in me that i was gonna be something someday. i look backand i look at someone

who slept 18 hours a day, used drugs every day. and then you see someone today who's inspired to make better music, to talk about her own story, to help other people, and to make the world a better place. and that's a miracle. she has livedthrough a lot of stuff,

and she tries to put that stuff into her art because she's so authentic,and that's why people love her. she doesn't come in and go,"well, i need a hit." she comes in with a passion for, "this is how i'm feeling right now and this is how the people that i know listen to my musicare feeling." there's other great singers out there, but, like, demi's voice is demi's voice,

and demi's attitudeis demi's attitude. ♪ is standing rightin front of me ♪ ♪ all right, yeah. ♪ i know what music can get you through. i know what music can... do emotionally for somebody because i've experiencedit myself. and i wanted to create that for other people. there's nothing more beautiful than being able to

connect with people through music, in my eyes. ♪ stone cold, stone cold ♪ ♪ you see me standing ♪ ♪ but i'm dying on the floor ♪ ♪ stone cold ♪ ♪ maybe if i don't cry ♪ ♪ i won't feel anymore ♪ ♪ baby ♪

♪ god knows i ♪ ♪ tried to feel ♪ ♪ happy for you ♪ ♪ know that ♪ ♪ i am ♪ ♪ even if ♪ ♪ i can't understand ♪ ♪ i'll take the pain ♪ ( harmonizing with track ):♪ give me the truth ♪

♪ me and my ♪ ♪ heart ♪ ♪ we'll make it ♪ ♪ through ♪ ♪ if ♪ ♪ happy is her... ♪ ♪ i'm happy for you ♪ ( girls laughing ) ♪ god knows i tried to feel ♪

♪ know that i am ♪ ♪ i ♪ ♪ can't understand ♪ ♪ give me the truth ♪ ♪ me and my heart ♪ ♪ we'll make it through ♪ ♪ ( intercut ):if happy is her ♪ ♪ i'm happy ♪ ♪ for you ♪

demi: ♪ don't wanna be stone cold ♪ ♪ stone ♪ ♪ i wish i could mean this ♪ ♪ but here's my good-bye ♪ ♪ oh, i'm happy for you ♪ ♪ know that i am ♪ ♪ even if i ♪ ♪ can't understand ♪ ♪ if happy is her ♪

♪ if happy is ♪ ♪ her... ♪ ♪ i'm happy for you. ♪ ( song ends )

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